If I can remember correctly the events that took place in January and February of 2017, it is a blur. But not a blur. It means that there are a lot of things that happened that I wish it were a blur. But it has been very much in my memory. Hopefully not long term. And so this is sort of an open confession of sorts. If I may say so. NO! I am still perfectly a virgin. I have yet to experience any kind of relationship in my life and I may not be able to do so for as many years into the future that is a total mystery to me. Whatever I just said, I do not want to explain. All I can say is that I am in a cage at the moment. That if I were to be set free of this cage, I do not know where to go. You see, I have been in this cage for 17 years. Over the years, I have suspected many things are happening that I cannot understand with logic. The most logical explanation is that I am sick. That I am out of touch with reality. Nothing more. Nothing less. If I am able to stop my meds and live a normal life without psychosis, that will be perfect. But I am on meds and thus I am sick.
Oh. It was the 18th of January. The Korean k-pop star BoA was confirmed to be dating this other Korean actor named Joo Won. All hell broke loose. You wanna know what kind of hell broke loose? Read on.
So I somehow have been in love with BOA like forever. Then the news broke that she is dating. To me, that means this is the end of BoA and me.
BoA is already what? 31? That puts her at an age where if she is dating, it is serious. I mean if you were to look at the age factor, if she is to date that means she will get married. It’s just logical. Women have to get married earlier in order for a family to be possible. She is 31. It’s time for marriage!
I wished her well and went on my way. Since its been forever, I am already 35 this year. I have yet to be in a relationship. HECK! I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. But no! I’m not desperate … NOW. I was desperate after a week of the dating news.
I messaged a friend who is Muslim and said that I will turn Muslim for her. Thank God she turned me down! *SWEAT*
Then the worse part happened. I started to look up call girls. Like on the Internet. Educated me on the business. Terms like one shot and two shot became knowledge. I found this one girl from China. Totally cute called Tang Tang. She wasn’t exactly naked. But she was wearing this transparent top with underwear at the bottom. OMG!!! I was like dying here. FORGET ABOUT MY VIRGINITY I SAY. FORGET ABOUT EVEN BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP. FORGET ABOUT SAVING MYSELF FOR THE ONE. I AM GOING TO SEE TANG TANG!!
I WAS IN TOTAL PAIN AND AGONY TRYING TO STOP MYSELF FROM GOING TO THE BROTHEL TO SEE TANG TANG.
I WENT INTO THIS MONOLOGUE IN THE LIVING ROOM SPEAKING IN CHINA CHINESE SAYING HOW I CAN MAKE TANG TANG MINE!!
Don’t worry. I didn’t’ lose it. I swear by Jesus’ grave I didn’t do nothin.
But worse things were coming and I will never forgive myself for it.