Daily Post 10 – Voices and Back to 2000
I was planning to go to Hong Kong to get the Nintendo Switch. That’s because, in Malaysia, Nintendo doesn’t launch their products here. The Switch was going to be launched in March on the 3rd. I made plans. But I find out that the Switch was going to be sold by Gamer’s Hideout. Though the price tag was rather hefty, if you factor in accommodation and the plane ticket to Hong Kong, it will be higher. I booked the Switch for some reason that I thought it will help me to feel a little less lonely.
I continued to watch Goblin. Goblin takes pills and falls asleep. There was a scene where he hears voices. Then there is another scene where I get the message that I ran from school. My psychosis was getting worse. One way or another, I have to take my meds. But I still have to sleep less. I persevered. These are only voices. It cannot do me any harm.
This period of time has been rather dark. I have always felt that I was being watched. But I decided that I should do everything openly now. Do the insane. Defile myself openly and watch dirty videos openly without the need to hide as if I am being watched. I downloaded an app to keep track of my exploits.
Then, I did it all over again like it was 2000. I talked to the air. Everything seemed real. I sent a message just like I have sent messages before, repeating the same thing over and over again.
All I want is that on March the 11th, when the Goblin dies, that the TV people will come out. Tell me that I am no longer wanted. That I just want them to tell my friends that I am not crazy. That all the messages that BoA has been sending me are real. I do not have to be with BoA. I just want them to show themselves. Then I can go to the psychiatrist to let him know that I am not crazy. That I do not need to take meds anymore. There is now such a thing as fake news. This is also called fake psychosis.
Since 2000, I have been on meds because that’s when the TV people showed up. They followed me, they paid attention to my every move and was trying to assess me. See whether I am worthy of being a celebrity. I caved in after a month or 2 when I could not take being followed anymore. I wished them well, saying that I have provided many ideas for them to work on. I am no longer needed. They can go on with the projects without me. I talked to the air every single day. My fellow Malaysian schoolmates saw me doing it and didn’t come up to me to ask me who I was talking to. That gave me the notion that all is real. That there are real people following me.
After a month of constant voices and talking o the air, my goal was to get good grades and go to Harvard to meet Natalie Portman. I was in Canada in a boarding school doing my Pre-U after my SPM in 1999. My Math test results came in, I got 82. OMG! I said to myself. I need 100, or else my dreams of going to Harvard will be ruined. I stared at my test results, and my teacher was calling me. But there was no response. She sent me to the sick bay, I started telling ghost stories to make the TV people come out. I ended up in the hospital under medication.
To be continued…